This is not my ceiling
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
