Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just forgot I was standing up.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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