Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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