I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
