so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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