I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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