she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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