glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He passed out mid-signature
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
