Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
