OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
