I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
