some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
