it's like iHOP with fire
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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