After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
