She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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