Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
