finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
