I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
