Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize