At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The adults are the big ones right?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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