Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
