i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
