im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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