I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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