moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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