i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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