I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
