i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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