Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize