shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
