Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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