Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
