i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
