I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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