people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Randomize
