I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
