I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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