were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
