Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize