i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
