I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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