she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
