so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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