omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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