i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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