im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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