I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I need mimosas to revive my soul
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
