did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
