last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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