I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize