I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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