Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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