Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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