Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize