Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she looked like the before picture.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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