can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
They took my balls.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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