I feel like abortions should bother me more
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
