Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
