all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
