Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
