Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
