He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
