i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
