Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
