I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
