Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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