I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
