we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
