Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
