I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
