I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
