I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
