this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
