I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
