I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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