Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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