Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize