i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
