Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Say something about gay babies.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
