Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
