your parents love me but you hate me
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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