somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
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