Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think a kid would responsible me up
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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