to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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