That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
