Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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