I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
