I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
