You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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