"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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