moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
