What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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