turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
