Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
