Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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