I want to walk on stilts...naked
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
