I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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